Life Update for the Big Indian

So in the next couple days I will officially make my off program job choice. For those who don't know the past 2 years I have been in a training program that rotated me through GE Healthcare and the US. It was a pretty fun ride, brought me out to South Carolina, DC, NYC, Indianapolis, Chicago and all sorts of other fun places. As I was working through this decision in my head, I came to realize its the first real decision I have had to make. I didn't as most people dont, have much choice over my high school. College wasn't much of a choice, gotten in to only 2 schools, and only was really financially viable. My internship with GE was the first offer I got, I actually cancelled all the other interviews. I got my offer for the training program in September of my Senior year.. no other interviewing was done. This time its different.

I got two great opporunties... I won't talk specifics because I feel like I have talked through them way to much over the last couple days. Explaining them to all my friends and family. The general concensus is that there is only one choice. From the outside, one of the jobs is far and away a better opportunity both professionally but mostly personally. It would require hours, but not to much more then my 40. I could work from home or remotely, I would have a ton of flexibility when it came to when and how I worked, and the manager of the team seems to have a lot of time devoted to development and mentoring. All of these are huge pluses that everyone I have talked makes it the job to choose. The other one is a little bit more difficult. Its the dream job of its kind though. The hours would be long, possibly 7 days a week going into the end of the year, demanding working enivironment with a staff that is truly understaffed. It would require tireless hours, percision, tough decisions and a high level of emotional and phyiscal committment. The manager, all be it a great guy - intellgent, on top of his game, and someone who really cares, just doesn't have as much time to mentor and develop his employees as the other does. This role is all work and little recognition outside of the group.. but everyday I would come home with a sense of accomplishment of success, of contribution. I have done a job similar, so I know the vast unnotice rewards. I am not sure I am just trying to be noble by defending it, but as I started to lean toward the first mentioned role, I got sick to my stomach. It just doesn't feel right to turn down this one. Maybe its the job I was meant to do, maybe its the job that I feel I have been building thus far for, maybe its just because I feel like after 2 years on a manufacturing training program I need and owe it to myself to take a role in manufacturing, but maybe its just pure stupidity thinking that its noble and giving to take a job I know will be tougher, when I can make the same doing a lot less with much less stress.

All I know is as things progress, I am not sure what to do. The clarity I had yesterday has somewhat turned into regret today. Its weird because as much as I thought I knew myself, it seems I really don't, that in making this decision on what is the best for me personally, I am turning my back on who and what I am.. who and what I enjoy.. or maybe I am just blowing this out of proportion, I will have plenty of opportunities to make this kind of choice and to enjoy and regret it, to have jobs that kick you when your down, and have those you can do in 20 hours.

So I guess with what I thought was clarity, came confusion. What I thought a decision came a choice. I don't think I would regret taking the mfg job.. I can find the first job in 2 years again.. but will I regret taking the first job, knowing I could have done the mfg job?